Cameron and the art of Zen

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Calm down David! It's only a series of questions about disgraced ex-ministers and a stuttering economy.

Oh, and a couple of unhelpful enquiries about Europe from your own MPs for good measure.

Actually, that's a pretty awkward combination to squeeze into half an hour's worth of prime ministerial questions, with Cameron's responses no advert for a man in full command of the facts, his party, or even his emotions.

"On this week, of all weeks, show a bit of humility," advised Labour leader Ed Miliband, with a slight adjustment of his halo.

Naughty Mr Fox may have left the building, at least for now, but a stench remains.

Cameron's tactic? Ignore the question and remind everyone when Labour politicians were once scented with sleaze. Humble this most certainly was not.

"Cabs for hire, passports for favours, dodgy dossiers, burying bad news," he shouted out staccato, a collection of Labour's greatest hits which would surely add a few notches to the political antipathy poll ratings if people actually watched PMQs in the first place.

"If you're going to jump on a bandwagon, make sure it's still moving," Cameron added, though this particular bandwagon has yet to reach the end of its rather uncomfortable journey.

"He's just a bit late …the minister has resigned," Cam continued, but with an increasingly worried tone that suggests he hoped the whole story goes away soon.

It won't, not yet, and the PM's attempts to discard the Fox fall-out was as about as unconvincing as Oliver Letwin's filing of his constituency-based correspondence.

The prime ministerial voice continued to rise up the shrill-o-meter as Miliband switched his attention to the economy.

"I don't think he knows the answer," he smugly noted after a question on the regional growth fund left Cameron hiding in his notes, which allowed the Labour leader to reel out the familiar "hopelessly out of touch" accusation.

Familiar, but stinging. Out of touch means university drinking clubs and shooting excursions, and that's not a suitable accompaniment for yet another week of gloomy graphs and figures.

It's also cat nip to Ed Balls, with the shadow chancellor purring his way through Miliband's questions and barking his way through Cameron's response.

The PM started thumping the Despatch Box to make himself heard, and resorted to a panicky accusation of "talking down the economy" - the political equivalent of screaming: "Oh, just....shut up!"

That delighted the Labour benches and the eye-rollingly excited Balls, now seen to be shouting Cameron's unwanted "calm down" catchphrase in the PM's direction and making a flat-lining gesture, a move which makes this 44-year-old man look like he's performing a sort of surf-themed dance.

In a suit.

Incidentally, the 'calm down' jibes are out of date: troubled female voters will have had their nerves calmed by the sight of new – female – transport secretary Justine Greening planted a seat away from the misunderstood non-sexist prime minister.

If the Despatch Box-damaging was meant to be a demonstration of muscular prime ministerial authority, then the government whips clearly forgot to tell Andrew Rosindell.

The bulldog-loving Tory backbencher proved himself to be entirely unhelpful, possibly guilty of exaggeration, and utterly appalling at history when he told the PM that British people were "simply crying out for a referendum on Europe", and that he should follow the lead of Winston Churchill and Mrs Thatcher.

No, I don't remember their referendums either, but the question was enough to make Cameron smile nervously and Nick Clegg, his Europhile Lib Dem deputy, smirk sheepishly.

Mark Pritchard – no friend of Cameron he – joined in, advising the prime minister that further fiscal union in Europe would undermine the single market.

Liberal Democrats – their unfortunately placed leader excluded – looked rather amused, but these were unhelpful slaps to the back of the prime ministerial head.

Unfortunately he can’t slap his backbenchers in return - his rejection of a "willy nilly" rejection was hardly tough talk - and in the case of Ed Miliband he was left punching wildly with little to be punchy about.

In hindsight, calming down is the last thing David Cameron should be doing right now.

Sam Macrory is political editor of The House Magazine.