Member News
By Nick Assinder - 12th December 2009
You know how it is, the roof of the east wing is in a dreadful state and is threatening to allow the elements in to wreak havoc on the games room.
Worse, if it remains un-repaired, the entire bell tower could be undermined and come crashing through onto the billiard table and Queen Anne card tables. Nightmare.
Luckily, a neighbour had shown the way forward after he suffered a spot of bother with his moat.
The traditional method of whipping a few of the serfs into a moat-cleaning party had fallen out of fashion (can't get the serfs any more, in any case) and there was the chilling prospect that one of the lady wife's tiaras would have to be sold off to pay for the messy job.
Not good. Icy silences over the breakfast table on the cards for months ahead.
Then, like a Arthurian Knight, the good old British taxpayer came galloping over the horizon to save his lord from the horror of this unbearable domestic disaster.
Job done. Moat as clean as the scullery maid's fresh apron, tiara preserved, lady wife unruffled.
And what's good enough for a moat is certainly good enough for a bell tower.
Who says feudalism didn't have its advantages.
A cartoon, perhaps. But the good old British taxpayer certainly believes a number of our more privileged elected representatives have been treating them like peasants, good only for milking when times are hard.
But it's not just the moats and the bell towers that are going to hang over the dying days of this parliament. The mucky videos, the garlic peelers and the hamburger makers are doing just as much damage.
Because it is not simply the size or exotic nature of the bills that has so offended, it is the suggestion that, for many MPs, the first response when faced with a bill was "stick it on expenses".
Of course, none of the most recent revelations has added anything to the basic understanding of what was going on or the need for the Kelly reforms to be implemented ASAP.
And it is unlikely that they have done any further damage to the standing of parliament. That is about as low as it is possible to get anyway.
But what this relentless drip, drip of information does mean is that any attempt to put the fiddling into context - that the majority of MPs are hard-working, conscientious, public spirited individuals who most certainly did not come into parliament for the money - is doomed before it is even launched.
No one is listening. And that is how the real damage is being done.
MPs hope and believe that the Kelly reforms and, more importantly, a general election will mark the end of this nightmare.
The poll will have a cleansing effect by introducing a new breed of MPs who have learned the lessons of their predecessors and will enter the House full of reformist zeal.
But is it already too late? Are voters so offended that they will simply turn away, leaving Parliament with no mandate to govern?
That really would be a nightmare.
Dods Parliamentary Communications Ltd